Ever since I found out through reading books, experimenting, and a million doctors tests later, finally I found the answer to this illness that took me by surprise.
I have auto immune deficiency.
What does that mean?
It means a lot of things. Doctors still don’t have an answer.
Jesus does.
I see this as a lesson from God.
What was I to learn?
Why was I not getting well?
I never start out my sentence when speaking to others like “I think…”
It’s not about what I think.
It’s about what God has to say, and what was I to be learning.
My pastor said once to me.
“Don’t worry over this, let God lead you, and just let it be.”
The women I am close to at the healing ministry who are my friends said once to me:
“Don’t let this illness define you, you stay in prayer and have faith, and you are well!”
I didn’t know what that meant until I went to a Christian event in Tacoma called Hope253.
I had $26 to my name and I was alone. None of my friends showed up but it wasn’t about them. I had wanted to be there to support others and learn more as a fellow believer in Jesus Christ.
So, I got up and gave these two people who were an elderly couple my seat so they could sit together. I never like to be praised but rather give thanks to Jesus for teaching me the love and warmth I can give to others.
I sat right in front and I just felt like walking around until the concert began.
I stumbled upon a unique table that had a lot of cool t-shirts
My eyes wildly gazing at a shirt this girl pointed at.
In royal glowing waves of purple, shinning over the blackness of the background it stood upon. My gaze fixed on such beauty. The words “At The Cross…You Called It Finished”
With the $25 dollars I had with only $1 dollar left I purchased it.
I was so thirsty and said all I had was a dollar and so, the girls that were selling the t shirts gave me water. I was overwhelmed by their kindness but I could only manage to muster up only smile and say a kind thank you and then leave.
After it was all over, the concert ended, and I lingered among the sea of people. A woman brought me to be prayed for. As their attention wandered as they prayed for me, I realized that I was already healed. Everything I needed Jesus has provided for me. I needed to lean more on Jesus more opening up my faith more in his finished work at the cross so, I receive His healing upon me.
What do I mean by “Jesus has provided it all for me?”
“I realized Jesus dying on the cross was my redemption.” I no longer had to be sick, or let it stake it’s claim on me, chaos had no hold on me, because I was safe amongst all the chaos in this earthly life, and all fear, all pain, slowly just faded into the distance. Time seemed to fall slowly in my mind and become more clear. Memories never before felt so real as they do when I experience Jesus’ love.
“If I don’t claim that I am ill, then how can it hurt me?”
Mark 5:34 He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.”
Jesus died so I don’t have have to suffer the consequences of sin, and no longer have to be separated from God, and to live an eternity in Heaven with God, and Jesus.
Let Jesus love on you, and surrender that pain to Him so He can give you rest and healing.
“Well, why isn’t your illness like the others you had not been healed yet?”
If we read these pages from the bible we learn about what Jesus had to say about healing and what he did, and still continues to do today if we simply believe in faith that you are healed and call upon Jesus in his name to receive healing.
The Faith of the Centurion
5 When Jesus had entered Capernaum, a centurion came to him, asking for help.
6 “Lord,” he said, “my servant lies at home paralyzed, suffering terribly.”
7 Jesus said to him, “Shall I come and heal him?”
8 The centurion replied, “Lord, I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. But just say the word, and my servant will be healed.
9 For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and that one, ‘Come,’ and he comes. I say to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it.”
10 When Jesus heard this, he was amazed and said to those following him, “Truly I tell you, I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith.
11 I say to you that many will come from the east and the west, and will take their places at the feast with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven.
12 But the subjects of the kingdom will be thrown outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”
13 Then Jesus said to the centurion, “Go! Let it be done just as you believed it would.” And his servant was healed at that moment.
Jesus Heals Many
14 When Jesus came into Peter’s house, he saw Peter’s mother-in-law lying in bed with a fever.
15 He touched her hand and the fever left her, and she got up and began to wait on him.
16 When evening came, many who were demon-possessed were brought to him, and he drove out the spirits with a word and healed all the sick.
17 This was to fulfill what was spoken through the prophet Isaiah: “He took up our infirmities and bore our diseases.”
I realized there is a very good reason I have this sickness but in no way does it define me. It can’t steal my happiness. It can’t keep me from loving others. If anything I am more closer to God, and celebrating life more. God has a divine plan for my life, and so each day I cannot take it from granted. God has given me a gift of life and to help others, and I very much want to love others and share the good news of Jesus Christ.
Life is a short journey. I don’t want to waste it on the worldly things. I have a strong desire to build treasures of the heart and store them in Heaven.
The greatest love of all is the sacrifice God gave in his only son Jesus so I can be born again. Born out of that sin that keep me from God, now I am given my breath back, giving me another chance.
“Healing takes time. Sometimes it’s instant, and other times it takes time because God has his reasons. In the end of that journey with that pain, we learn why it was allowed to happen.” It doesn’t mean you are being punished. God doesn’t do that. He rather love on us, than stand to watch us suffer.”
God never gives us what we can’t handle.
If life was perfect, how would we ever learn anything, and see all the loving riches God has provided us with?
So, I won’t close myself up in my room, and claim this illness as my identity. It’s not who I am. I am lovingly and faithfully, redeemed by Jesus Christ! I am free from illness. Whatever may come I will be content and know I am healed!
James 5:16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.
Please don’t be afraid to share your heart, your experiences, your struggles, you are welcome here. There is no judgment. It’s all love, and support. It’s an open discussion. It’s a good way to meet new people, and friends. This is a community of believers and others welcome to get to know more about Jesus Christ. So, let’s open our hearts to welcome each-other and love one another.
My Teenage Twenties 